I can’t deny the influx of some beautiful energy in my life and psyche right now. Looking back, I don’t think I have felt the positivity of Sun energy and sustained joy this strongly since 2003. Out of those 14 years, the last seven years were particularly challenging on all levels. I’ve gone through an intense period of surrender, release, rebirth, and transformation; slowly peeling away layers of self-limiting beliefs.
During this time of shadow and inward focus, my world was both contracting and expanding at the same time. My old way of being was getting tighter, smaller, circling in on itself. Anything that didn’t fit was pushed out and by the end, when it came time to release the last bits of the old, I was able to do so with grace, my hands wide open, finally able to fully trust the process after having so many opportunities to practice. At the same time, the true parts of me were expanding, growing, and planting seeds that would be nourished in the fertile decay of what I was leaving behind. I found new life in my yoga practice and each minute on my mat infused my new life with Prana and deep self love.
The past few evenings leading up to the solstice, I’ve had vivid dreams all involving showering in hotel rooms. I love to travel and stay in gorgeous accommodations when possible, so to me, the hotel bathroom represents novelty and self care. Often if I have let my self-love rituals slip, I will pick them back up again while traveling as I am inspired by luxurious bathrooms with their expanses of marble, ginormous fluffy white bath sheets, and deep soaking tubs. Also present here is the water element which represents true emotion, the feminine, and the ability to flow, and connect to the heart. So these dreams felt like an emotional baptism, a final release and rebirth, a culmination of all the work, and filled with so much joy.
Looking back, I find this was a period of unlearning, remembering, and reparenting myself. And exploring real self-care, not just of the overly indulgent variety (I didn’t understand the difference early on), but true embodiment of higher consciousness and a coming home to my heart, trusting it again, knowing that my intuition is valuable and doesn’t need to be justified. I’ve practiced being fully present in my heart and I now know how to feel everything and let it pass through me, rather than holding on to feelings that are not my own.
I am not at all implying that I’ve completed my spiritual evolution in any way, but rather I feel peaceful and more complete then before. I’m arriving where I want to be, mentally and emotionally for now, a place where I allow ease and flow, love and light. Relaxing into gentle these moments and I feel supported in a way I never have before as a result of no longer abandoning myself.
So today I am celebrating the light and joy of life, new relationships, and friendships both old and new. The clarity around my path and purpose, and learning to receive its blessings.
Love, Erin Siri Sampuran xo