I lost my full time corporate job this week.
I returned from an amazing time in Mexico to get THAT call at 8:05am on Monday morning. Ugh.
The company that I worked with for the past four years eliminated my position and one other as a result of a period of sustained financial challenge. I'm OK... and it makes total sense for them to do that. I empathize with those making heavy decisions during times of uncertainty. No doubt it was difficult and that is what leadership is about - making the hard and unpopular choices that benefit the whole in the long run.
Other than the obvious and immediate issues, I feel pretty good about it. Personally, I have felt the call to teach and write more and now I have the time to do that, however; it does change things. I am at a crossroads, do I proceed with my dream or take the safe road and find another full time job? At the moment I don't have a clear answer. I have always felt stifled, yet secure, by corporate life, and my most recent gig was a comfortable marriage of both the freedom and steadiness I desired. It seemed to be working out, at least for me.
Loss and adaptation have been an ongoing theme for me since 2011. I have lost just about everything over the last six years (though not all at the same time). Some things were taken and some were given away freely by choice only to realize the impact of their absence and importance in my life much later. I was given tough life lessons in exchange as these were always the most painful and included my house, my community, and my friends in my adopted home of the Pacific Northwest.
I could choose to look at all the pain involved with those circumstances or decide to see the opportunity. Overall, I was living a life that wasn't authentically me and it's been falling away, layer by layer, piece by piece, so that I'm left with only what is true and an understanding of what is most important to me. This job was the last piece of my old life. I was holding onto it for it's perceived safety and I am free to fly now.
I wasn't sure I would share all of this. Despite the multiple reassurances from work that it had absolutely nothing to do with performance or personality, I am still feeling a combination of failure, embarrassment, and rejection. I'm sharing this for authenticity's sake. My life is not all whirlwind romance and and one fantastic trip after another. Being on the yogic path doesn't exclude you from the painful parts, but the highs keep getting higher and the lows keep getting higher too.
Know that I'm feeling good about this change and I am wildly excited to see how this story turns out. I love a good kick in the pants to really shake things up. I look forward to being an active participant in co-creating a new life aligned to my dharma. There is nothing left to hold on to and my arms are wide open to embrace the next chapter.
Much love and Sat Nam,
Erin Siri Sampuran